no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
