she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
