He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
