I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Randomize
