I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Operation Purity has been aborted
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
