No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Randomize
