On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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