exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
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