just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
