i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
