now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
