im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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