i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Randomize
