His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
