Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Are my feet made of real feet?
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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