We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
dude. I can hear the air.
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