I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
