addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
