and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
