saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Randomize
