he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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