Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
please don't ironically join a cult
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