Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
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