if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
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