i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
