mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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