I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
