so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Randomize
