Tap Here to view the Mobile Optimized TFLN
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Randomize
Follow @tfln