He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
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i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
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I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.