he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
