Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
