I hate all girls vehemently.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
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