someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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