She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
