Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Randomize
