I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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