Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
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threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
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I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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