I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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