I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
