she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Randomize
