My room smells like vodka and shame
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
