Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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