all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
