Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Randomize
