No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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