Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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