puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Randomize
