Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I have aggressive nipples.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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