im six kinds of drunk right now
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Randomize
