my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
