what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
