Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
