OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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