Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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