Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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