Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
