We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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