I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
