There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
