so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
