i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
These tits shall not be calmed
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
