We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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