just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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