Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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