Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
