They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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