atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
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